{"product_id":"beating-cocks-women-s-heavyweight-boxy-tee","title":"Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee","description":"\n\u003ch2\u003eBeating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHeavyweight Cotton. Bare-Knuckle Poultry. Absolutely No Evidence of Marksmanship.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThere are many ways to survive the apocalypse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSome people build shelters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSome develop impressive hunting skills.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSome become expert marksmen, capable of eliminating threats with a single carefully placed shot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then there's Bob.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWho apparently spends his time punching chickens and missing things with firearms.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e, a fashionable tribute to one of the most unfortunate sentences ever spoken during a DayZ stream.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt began, as many of Bob's greatest disasters do, with somebody asking an innocent question.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"What you up to?\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFour words.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePerfectly reasonable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAbsolutely no indication of the cultural damage they were about to cause.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBob responded with the confidence of a man who had not considered how his answer might sound to another human being.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"Beating cocks and missing shots.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSilence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThen laughter.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThen the immediate realisation that this statement was never going to be forgotten.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSomewhere in the archives of the \u003cstrong\u003eLivonia Historical Society\u003c\/strong\u003e, a new category of incident was required.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eUnscheduled Poultry Violence and Ballistic Disappointment.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecause normal historical records were clearly no longer sufficient.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNow, to understand the significance of this statement, one must first understand Bob's relationship with chickens.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIn DayZ, chickens are useful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThey provide food.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThey provide valuable survival resources.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd, unlike most of the other wildlife, they generally do not attempt to murder you on sight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis makes them a relatively straightforward survival opportunity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFor most people.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eUnfortunately, Bob appears to regard poultry as a personal challenge.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhy use a knife when you have fists?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhy carefully harvest food when you can turn breakfast into a boxing match?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhy conserve energy when you can chase a small bird around a village while chat questions every decision you've made?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWelcome to Bob's School of Advanced Poultry Negotiation.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLesson one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLocate chicken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLesson two.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMiss chicken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLesson three.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecome emotionally invested.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLesson four.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAttempt to resolve the situation through physical intimidation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eLesson five.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eExplain absolutely none of this to the person who asked what you were doing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe design features a cartoon cockerel that has clearly experienced the full consequences of this approach.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIts appearance suggests a difficult afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePossibly several difficult afternoons.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt has the unmistakable expression of a bird that has survived the apocalypse only to discover that Bob is nearby.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAccompanying this unfortunate creature is the legendary phrase:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks and Missing Shots.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhich, without context, becomes considerably worse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd with context, somehow doesn't improve very much.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOf course, the poultry incident represents only half the problem.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe other half is Bob's extraordinary relationship with firearms.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBob does not always miss.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSometimes he simply chooses to redistribute ammunition into the surrounding countryside.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis may involve trees.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eRocks.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWalls.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEmpty air.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOr any other object unfortunate enough to exist somewhere near the intended target.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo the untrained observer, these may appear to be missed shots.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eTo Bob, they may represent a complicated tactical manoeuvre that nobody else has understood.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBallistic Optimism.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eA legitimate survival philosophy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eProbably.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMeanwhile, the chicken remains completely unimpressed.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe situation has become so culturally significant that Bob has even spoken about conducting a \u003cstrong\u003eCock Count\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecause once you've developed a reputation for beating cocks, apparently the next logical step is statistical analysis.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHow many were beaten?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHow many escaped?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHow many shots missed?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHow many innocent bushes were accidentally involved?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThese figures remain difficult to verify.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe LHS has requested proper documentation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eChat has requested more incidents.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe chickens have requested legal representation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd Bob continues to insist that everything is perfectly normal.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eFortunately, this women's heavyweight boxy tee is considerably more practical than Bob's approach to gathering food.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMade from soft, heavyweight ring-spun cotton, it features a relaxed boxy silhouette with a fashionable mid-length cut and a comfortable, lived-in feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe garment-dyed, pre-shrunk fabric helps minimise shrinkage, while the seamless body offers a roomy fit that's ideal for everyday wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for casual outfits, layering, gaming sessions, or explaining to strangers why your clothing features a visibly battered chicken and a phrase that sounds like evidence from a police interview.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWhether you're an established Bellend, a DayZ survivor, a supporter of the Cock Count, or someone who simply appreciates a deeply inappropriate joke with an entirely innocent poultry-based explanation, this tee deserves a place in your wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt is soft.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt is heavyweight.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt is fashionable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd unlike the cockerel, it has been designed to survive repeated encounters with human beings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks and Missing Shots.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecause Bob doesn't need a survival strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eHe needs a poultry restraining order.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe \u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e features the cartoon beat-up cockerel alongside the legendary \u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks and Missing Shots\u003c\/strong\u003e phrase.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe design celebrates Bob's accidental quote, his questionable shooting accuracy, and his unique approach to collecting dinner through bare-fisted poultry management.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMade from 100% soft ring-spun US cotton, this heavyweight women's T-shirt combines a relaxed boxy silhouette with a comfortable mid-length cut.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe garment-dyed fabric creates a soft, lived-in feel, while pre-shrunk construction helps minimise shrinkage after washing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIts seamless body design offers a roomy fit, while the classic-width topstitched rib collar and shoulder-to-shoulder twill tape provide a neat, comfortable finish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWith a fabric weight of 6.1 oz\/yd² (172.9 g\/m²), this tee offers a substantial feel without sacrificing everyday comfort.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eUnlike Bob's approach to chicken hunting, the garment's construction has been carefully considered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for casual wear, relaxed weekends, layering, and attending unofficial meetings of the Bellend Poultry Incident Investigation Committee.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eDisclaimers\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eWearing this T-shirt does not improve shooting accuracy.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt does not increase chicken spawn rates.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt does not improve hand-to-hand combat skills.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt does not guarantee successful poultry harvesting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt does not provide protection from embarrassing conversations.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd it certainly does not make the phrase \u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks and Missing Shots\u003c\/strong\u003e sound any more appropriate when spoken aloud.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe cartoon cockerel is a fictional illustrated character.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNo actual poultry is included with this garment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eNo chickens were required to manufacture the T-shirt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe design should not be interpreted as an endorsement of harming real animals.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe phrase is a humorous reference to Bob's in-game survival adventures and should not be considered a hunting instruction, poultry management technique, firearms training programme, or legal defence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis product does not include knives, axes, ammunition, firearms, emergency feathers, chicken feed, boxing gloves, protective headgear, spare dignity, or a reliable explanation of Bob's original statement.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe heavyweight cotton does not provide ballistic protection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe relaxed boxy fit does not improve your chances of catching a chicken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd the printed cockerel cannot be used to identify suitable poultry combat targets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe manufacturer accepts no responsibility for missed shots, confused relatives, awkward public conversations, spontaneous Cock Counts, uncontrollable laughter, or anyone attempting to explain the slogan at a family gathering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis garment undergoes garment-dyeing and softening processes, which may result in slight colour variations between individual garments.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThese variations are normal characteristics of the manufacturing process and should not be interpreted as evidence that the chicken has finally recovered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Livonia Historical Society would like to remind everyone that a quote being historically significant does not make it socially acceptable.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eEspecially this one.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eMade to Order\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eUnlike Bob's shooting, the manufacturing process involves careful planning, accurate targeting, and a reasonable expectation of hitting the intended result.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecause each garment is produced on demand rather than manufactured in unnecessary quantities, production and delivery may take a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eMaking products on demand helps reduce overproduction, unwanted stock, and the possibility of a warehouse full of cartoon chickens quietly questioning their life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThe chickens appreciate the restraint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBob remains under observation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eLore Classification\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🐓 Bob Poultry Incident Apparel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🥊 Advanced Bare-Fisted Chicken Management\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🔫 Missed Shot Appreciation Society\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e📊 Official Cock Count Support Clothing\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🔔 Bellend Breakfast Combat Division\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🐔 Distressed Cockerel Awareness Apparel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🎯 Ballistic Optimism Without Evidence\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e📜 LHS Poultry Incident Archive\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e⚠️ Questionable Statements Without Context\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eOne unfortunate chicken.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSeveral missing bullets.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eA rapidly escalating Cock Count.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eAnd one man who should probably stop answering innocent questions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBeating Cocks and Missing Shots.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eBecause sometimes the apocalypse isn't about survival.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eIt's about explaining why breakfast has filed a complaint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Bobs Bellends","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 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