Beating Cocks and Missing Shots Women's Basic Softstyle T-Shirt

£24.99 GBP

Taxes included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

Color Black RS Sport Grey

Size S M L XL 2XL

Please check the size guide before ordering.

Bob’s Lore accepts no responsibility for shirts that fit like a tent, cling like a bad decision, or restrict movement during Tuesday-related leg incidents.

Measure yourself, compare carefully, and remember: confidence is not a size.

If in doubt, size up. You can always look relaxed. You cannot always breathe.

See Sizing guidance

Features

- Features the cartoon beat-up cockerel alongside Bob's legendary phrase, Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.
- Inspired by Bob's accidental poultry-based confession and his ongoing relationship with missed shots, bare-fisted chicken management, and questionable survival decisions.
- Women's semi-fitted cut that follows the body's natural lines without feeling tight, unlike the cockerel's increasingly difficult situation.
- Soft, lightweight fabric for everyday comfort, even when somebody asks you to explain the slogan in public.
- High-stitch-density fabric provides a smooth printing surface, ensuring the distressed cockerel looks appropriately unfortunate for years to come.
- Side-seamed construction helps maintain a flattering, structured fit, unlike Bob's entirely unstructured approach to poultry combat.
- Easy to wear on its own or layer beneath a jacket, particularly when attending places where the words Beating Cocks may require immediate clarification.
- Perfect for Bellends, DayZ survivors, chicken enthusiasts, missed-shot specialists, cock count participants, and anyone who has ever watched Bob make a simple food situation considerably worse.

Materials

- 100% ring-spun cotton for standard colours, soft enough for everyday wear and significantly kinder to the skin than Bob is to poultry.
- Ring Spun Sport Grey, where applicable: 90% ring-spun cotton and 10% polyester, a carefully balanced combination that Bob could perhaps apply to his ratio of shooting to punching.
- Fabric weight: 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²), lightweight enough for everyday comfort and considerably less burdensome than explaining the slogan to your grandmother.
- Semi-fitted construction, providing a flattering silhouette without restricting your ability to distance yourself from Bob's latest chicken incident.
- Side-seamed construction, offering more structural integrity than the average poultry-related field report.
- Narrow-width rib collar, keeping the neckline tidy even when the conversation about cocks becomes increasingly difficult to control.
- Taped neck and shoulders, providing additional stability during spontaneous laughter, awkward explanations, and unexpected cock counts.
- Tear-away label, allowing you to remove unnecessary information, something Bob might wish he could do with several recorded conversations.
- Blank product sourced from Honduras, a verifiable geographical location where the manufacturer has presumably not been informed about the chicken.

- Wash inside out with similar colours, partly to protect the print and partly because the cockerel has already experienced enough public humiliation.
- Machine wash cold on a gentle cycle, because the situation between Bob and the chicken is already heated enough.
- Use a mild detergent. Harsh chemicals are discouraged, although Bob's approach to poultry negotiations suggests he may disagree.
- Do not bleach. The cockerel has already been through enough without removing what little colour remains in its life.
- Hang dry where possible to help preserve the design, or tumble dry on low heat if permitted by the garment's care label. Unlike Bob's shots, the drying process should be carefully controlled.
- Do not iron directly over the printed cockerel. It has already suffered significant physical and emotional distress.
- If ironing is necessary, turn the garment inside out and use a low temperature suitable for the fabric.
- Do not dry clean unless permitted by the garment's care label. This is poultry incident apparel, not formal chicken-fighting attire.
- Do not attempt to wash the shirt with actual chickens, feathers, eggs, ammunition, knives, or anything recovered from Bob's pockets.
- Do not use the T-shirt to restrain poultry, collect feathers, carry eggs, or demonstrate alternative chicken harvesting techniques.
- If the print begins to fade, do not interpret this as the cockerel finally recovering from its traumatic encounter with Bob.
- Do not attempt to improve your aim by wearing the shirt while practising imaginary shooting techniques in front of a mirror.
- If somebody reads the slogan aloud and immediately begins laughing, do not attempt to explain it in greater detail. Experience suggests this only makes matters worse.
- If a spontaneous cock count begins, keep the garment away from any actual poultry. Nobody needs further evidence.
- If the shirt shrinks, consult the care label before blaming Bob's shooting accuracy or an unscheduled Tuesday.
- Remember, proper garment care helps preserve the design. Proper survival planning might have prevented the entire chicken incident.
- The Livonia Historical Society accepts no responsibility for fading prints, distressed poultry, missed shots, embarrassed relatives, or anyone discovering that the phrase Beating Cocks and Missing Shots becomes substantially worse when repeated slowly.

Our goal is for every Bellend to be properly satisfied with their loot.

If your order arrives and something feels wrong, cursed, Tuesday’d, directionally optimistic, or clearly inspected by Bob in a field, let us know.

We’ll do our best to put it right, apply the necessary cultural maintenance, and avoid creating arrears with the Bank of Bellends.

Full Policy

We’ll work quickly to get your loot packed, logged, and sent before Bob wanders off into a field with it.

Once your order has shipped, you’ll receive an email with further details, assuming the message survives Tuesday, navigation errors, and any unexpected shed-based delays.

Delivery times vary depending on your location, local conditions, and whether the route passes anywhere near Nadbor.

Full Policy

Questionable Aim. Distressed Poultry. A Perfectly Innocent Explanation That Nobody Believes.

Some T-shirts celebrate sporting achievements.

Some commemorate historic victories.

Some proudly display the accomplishments of exceptionally talented individuals.

This one celebrates a man punching a chicken while failing to shoot things.

Welcome to the Beating Cocks and Missing Shots Women's Basic Softstyle T-Shirt, a comfortable everyday garment commemorating one of Bob's most extraordinary contributions to the English language.

It began with a perfectly innocent question.

"What you up to?"

A normal person might have replied with something reassuring.

"Just getting some food."

"Looking for supplies."

"Trying to survive."

Bob, however, is not a normal person.

Bob replied:

"Beating cocks and missing shots."

And somewhere in the Livonia Historical Society, another exhausted historian quietly opened a new incident report.

Because there are some statements that simply cannot be allowed to disappear into the void.

Unfortunately for Bob, this was one of them.

The phrase immediately became part of Bellend culture.

Not because it was particularly helpful.

Not because it demonstrated advanced survival skills.

But because it perfectly summarised the extraordinary relationship between Bob, firearms, and poultry.

In the world of DayZ, chickens are a valuable food source.

They provide meat.

They provide bones.

They can be harvested using a selection of perfectly sensible tools.

Knives.

Axes.

Various sharp implements.

Bob, however, occasionally prefers a more traditional approach.

Physical negotiations.

With the chicken.

Using his fists.

Because apparently surviving the apocalypse is not challenging enough without personally fighting your breakfast.

The design features a cartoon beat-up cockerel, looking like it has survived several unpleasant encounters with Bob's unique interpretation of poultry management.

Alongside the unfortunate bird sits the phrase:

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

A statement that is technically about survival.

Technically about chickens.

And technically something that should never be said loudly in public without immediate clarification.

Of course, the second half of the phrase is equally important.

Missing Shots.

Bob has a remarkable ability to transform straightforward shooting opportunities into extended demonstrations of ballistic uncertainty.

Sometimes the bullet misses.

Sometimes the target moves.

Sometimes the scenery receives a warning it absolutely did not request.

And sometimes everyone watching quietly wonders whether Bob and the gun are actually working towards the same objective.

But missing a shot does not necessarily mean failure.

It may be tactical intimidation.

It may be suppressive fire.

It may be an advanced warning system for nearby trees.

Or it may simply be another opportunity for chat to take the piss.

Whatever the explanation, the chicken is rarely reassured.

And so, the legendary phrase was preserved.

Not as a survival instruction.

Not as a hunting technique.

And certainly not as a recommended method of preparing dinner.

But as an important reminder that even the simplest survival task can become an entirely unnecessary cultural incident when Bob is involved.

There is also the matter of the Cock Count.

Because naturally, once Bob had started making statements about beating cocks, somebody decided the situation required statistical monitoring.

The actual number of affected cockerels remains subject to interpretation.

The level of dignity lost during the process is considerably easier to estimate.

Approximately all of it.

Chat has been laughing ever since.

Fortunately, unlike Bob's poultry combat strategy, this T-shirt is designed with comfort and practicality in mind.

Made from soft, lightweight ring-spun cotton, it features a flattering semi-fitted silhouette that follows the body's natural shape without feeling tight.

The smooth fabric and comfortable construction make it ideal for everyday wear, casual layering, and explaining to strangers why your T-shirt features a distressed chicken and a phrase that sounds like it belongs in a police statement.

Perfect for established Bellends, DayZ survivors, poultry enthusiasts with questionable judgement, and anyone who has ever watched Bob turn a perfectly manageable situation into an administrative emergency.

It is comfortable.

It is lightweight.

It features a deeply unfortunate cockerel.

And it carries one of the most gloriously inappropriate statements ever accidentally produced during a survival game.

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

Because Bob doesn't just survive the apocalypse.

He makes the wildlife regret being part of it.

Product Details

The Beating Cocks and Missing Shots Women's Basic Softstyle T-Shirt features a cartoon beat-up cockerel alongside the iconic phrase Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

The design celebrates Bob's legendary accidental quote, his questionable marksmanship, and his occasional preference for resolving poultry-related survival challenges with his bare hands.

Made from soft, lightweight ring-spun cotton, this women's T-shirt features a flattering semi-fitted cut that follows the body's natural lines without feeling restrictive.

The high-stitch-density fabric provides a smooth printing surface, helping the distressed cockerel design maintain a clean, well-defined appearance.

Its side-seamed construction, narrow-width rib collar, and taped neck and shoulders provide everyday comfort and structure.

The lightweight material feels soft against the skin, making the T-shirt suitable for everyday wear, gaming sessions, casual outings, and explaining increasingly questionable poultry references to members of the general public.

Wear it on its own or layer it beneath a jacket, particularly when visiting places where the phrase "Beating Cocks" may require additional context.

Disclaimers

Wearing this T-shirt does not improve aim.

It does not improve judgement.

It does not guarantee successful chicken hunting.

It does not increase poultry spawn rates.

It does not reduce ammunition consumption.

And it absolutely does not confirm that punching chickens is an efficient method of obtaining dinner.

The phrase Beating Cocks and Missing Shots refers to a fictional survival gaming incident involving poultry and questionable marksmanship.

Any alternative interpretation is entirely the responsibility of the person making it.

And probably chat.

This product is not a hunting guide, poultry management qualification, firearms training programme, food preparation manual, or legally recognised explanation for suspicious behaviour around chickens.

The cartoon cockerel is a fictional illustrated character.

Its injuries are decorative.

Its expression is understandable.

Its complaints have been forwarded to the Livonia Historical Society.

There is currently no designated department for poultry-related emotional distress.

This product does not include ammunition, firearms, knives, axes, chicken feed, emergency feathers, recoil control, replacement dignity, or a successful explanation of Bob's original quote.

The manufacturer accepts no responsibility for missed shots, escaped poultry, confused members of the public, excessive laughter, awkward conversations, spontaneous cock counts, or anyone repeating the slogan at an inappropriate moment.

Wearing this T-shirt does not make the wearer responsible for Bob's previous poultry incidents.

It does, however, suggest a concerning level of familiarity with them.

Due to fabric properties, any White colour variant, if offered, may appear off-white rather than bright white.

Do not attempt to recreate the incident.

The chicken has suffered enough.

Made to Order

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order.

Unlike Bob's shots, we aim to ensure every garment reaches its intended destination.

Because the T-shirt is produced on demand rather than manufactured in unnecessary quantities, production and delivery may take a little longer.

Making products on demand helps reduce overproduction, unwanted stock, and the possibility of an entire warehouse full of distressed cartoon cockerels.

Thank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision.

Bob could probably learn something from this approach.

Particularly the thoughtful part.

Lore Classification

🐓 Bob Poultry Incident Apparel
🔫 Missed Shot Evidence Wear
🥊 Bare-Fisted Chicken Management
📊 Official Cock Count Support Clothing
🔔 Bellend Breakfast Combat Division
🐔 Distressed Cockerel Awareness Apparel
🎯 Ballistic Optimism Without Results
📜 Livonia Historical Society Poultry Incident
⚠️ Inappropriate Statements Without Context

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots Women's Basic Softstyle T-Shirt

One unfortunate chicken.

Several questionable shots.

Absolutely no dignity.

And one sentence that should probably have stayed inside Bob's head.

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

Because sometimes the most dangerous thing in DayZ isn't the gun.

It's Bob explaining what he's been doing.

Understand the Lore

Every design has a story. Watch the clip that inspired this piece of Bob's Lore, learn the origin of the joke, and join the community to become part of the next chapter. Whether you're here for Giggle Burgers, Tuesdays, or general bellend behaviour, there's probably context somewhere.