Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee

£26.99 GBP

Taxes included. Shipping calculated at checkout.

Color Black Pepper

Size S M L XL 2XL

Please check the size guide before ordering.

Bob’s Lore accepts no responsibility for shirts that fit like a tent, cling like a bad decision, or restrict movement during Tuesday-related leg incidents.

Measure yourself, compare carefully, and remember: confidence is not a size.

If in doubt, size up. You can always look relaxed. You cannot always breathe.

See Sizing guidance

Features

- Features the cartoon beat-up cockerel alongside Bob's legendary phrase, Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.
- Inspired by Bob's accidental poultry-based confession, questionable shooting accuracy, and ongoing commitment to making simple survival tasks unnecessarily complicated.
- Relaxed women's boxy fit, providing plenty of room for comfort and explaining the slogan to increasingly confused members of the public.
- Fashionable mid-length cut, ideal for casual outfits, layering, and attending unofficial meetings of the Bellend Poultry Incident Investigation Committee.
- Heavyweight fabric with a soft, lived-in feel, offering considerably more protection from the elements than Bob provides for chickens.
- Garment-dyed and pre-shrunk to help minimise shrinkage, unlike Bob's rapidly disappearing dignity during poultry-related incidents.
- Seamless body construction for a comfortable, roomy silhouette that doesn't restrict your ability to laugh at missed shots.
- Perfect for Bellends, DayZ survivors, chicken enthusiasts, missed-shot specialists, Cock Count participants, and anyone who appreciates an entirely innocent phrase that sounds absolutely terrible without context.

Materials

- 100% soft ring-spun US cotton, because unlike Bob's chicken management strategy, the fabric has been carefully selected for comfort.
- Fabric weight: 6.1 oz/yd² (172.9 g/m²), heavyweight enough to withstand the emotional burden of explaining the words Beating Cocks to your grandmother.
- Garment-dyed, pre-shrunk fabric, offering a soft, lived-in feel with minimal shrinkage. A degree of reliability Bob's shooting accuracy has yet to demonstrate.
- Boxy fit with mid-length cut and seamless body, providing a comfortable shape without requiring advanced poultry combat training.
- Classic-width, topstitched rib collar, maintaining a neat appearance even when the person wearing it is discussing increasingly questionable chicken incidents.
- Shoulder-to-shoulder twill tape and signature twill label, providing genuine construction details rather than Bob's usual approach of hoping everything works out.
- OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 certified fabric (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie), using low-impact, salt-free dyes. Actual independent certification, which the LHS wishes existed for Bob's poultry handling qualifications.
- The blank garment's brand is a member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol, demonstrating a commitment to recognised standards that Bob's chicken management strategy has never considered.
- Blank product sourced from Honduras, a real geographical location where the manufacturer presumably has no idea what the printed slogan means.

- Wash inside out with similar colours, partly to protect the print and partly because the cockerel has already experienced enough public humiliation.
- Machine wash cold on a gentle cycle, because the relationship between Bob and poultry is already heated enough.
- Use a mild detergent. Harsh chemicals are discouraged, although Bob's approach to chicken management suggests he may disagree.
- Do not bleach. The cockerel has already endured considerable hardship without having its remaining colour removed.
- Hang dry where possible to preserve the garment-dyed finish, or tumble dry on low heat if permitted by the garment's care label. Unlike Bob's shots, the drying process should have a predictable outcome.
- Do not iron directly over the printed cockerel. It has already experienced enough heat, pressure, and emotional distress.
- If ironing is necessary, turn the garment inside out and use a low temperature suitable for cotton.
- Do not dry clean unless permitted by the garment's care label. This is poultry incident apparel, not formal chicken management attire.
- Slight colour variations are normal due to the garment-dyeing process. These are manufacturing characteristics, not evidence of additional poultry incidents.
- Do not wash with actual chickens, feathers, eggs, ammunition, knives, or anything recovered from Bob's pockets.
- Do not use the T-shirt to restrain poultry, collect feathers, carry eggs, or demonstrate alternative chicken harvesting techniques.
- If the cockerel begins to fade, do not interpret this as evidence that it has finally recovered from its encounter with Bob.
- Do not attempt to improve shooting accuracy by wearing the garment while performing imaginary firearms drills in front of a mirror.
- If someone reads the slogan aloud and immediately begins laughing, avoid explaining the context in greater detail. Experience suggests this rarely helps.
- If an unexpected Cock Count begins, remain calm and distance yourself from any actual poultry.
- If the garment shrinks, consult the care label before blaming Bob's shooting accuracy or declaring an unscheduled Tuesday.
- Remember, proper garment care helps preserve the design. Proper survival planning might have prevented the original chicken incident.
- The Livonia Historical Society accepts no responsibility for fading prints, missed shots, distressed cartoon poultry, embarrassed relatives, or anyone discovering that the phrase Beating Cocks and Missing Shots becomes considerably worse when spoken slowly.

Our goal is for every Bellend to be properly satisfied with their loot.

If your order arrives and something feels wrong, cursed, Tuesday’d, directionally optimistic, or clearly inspected by Bob in a field, let us know.

We’ll do our best to put it right, apply the necessary cultural maintenance, and avoid creating arrears with the Bank of Bellends.

Full Policy

We’ll work quickly to get your loot packed, logged, and sent before Bob wanders off into a field with it.

Once your order has shipped, you’ll receive an email with further details, assuming the message survives Tuesday, navigation errors, and any unexpected shed-based delays.

Delivery times vary depending on your location, local conditions, and whether the route passes anywhere near Nadbor.

Full Policy

Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee

Heavyweight Cotton. Bare-Knuckle Poultry. Absolutely No Evidence of Marksmanship.

There are many ways to survive the apocalypse.

Some people build shelters.

Some develop impressive hunting skills.

Some become expert marksmen, capable of eliminating threats with a single carefully placed shot.

And then there's Bob.

Who apparently spends his time punching chickens and missing things with firearms.

Welcome to the Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee, a fashionable tribute to one of the most unfortunate sentences ever spoken during a DayZ stream.

It began, as many of Bob's greatest disasters do, with somebody asking an innocent question.

"What you up to?"

Four words.

Perfectly reasonable.

Absolutely no indication of the cultural damage they were about to cause.

Bob responded with the confidence of a man who had not considered how his answer might sound to another human being.

"Beating cocks and missing shots."

Silence.

Then laughter.

Then the immediate realisation that this statement was never going to be forgotten.

Somewhere in the archives of the Livonia Historical Society, a new category of incident was required.

Unscheduled Poultry Violence and Ballistic Disappointment.

Because normal historical records were clearly no longer sufficient.

Now, to understand the significance of this statement, one must first understand Bob's relationship with chickens.

In DayZ, chickens are useful.

They provide food.

They provide valuable survival resources.

And, unlike most of the other wildlife, they generally do not attempt to murder you on sight.

This makes them a relatively straightforward survival opportunity.

For most people.

Unfortunately, Bob appears to regard poultry as a personal challenge.

Why use a knife when you have fists?

Why carefully harvest food when you can turn breakfast into a boxing match?

Why conserve energy when you can chase a small bird around a village while chat questions every decision you've made?

Welcome to Bob's School of Advanced Poultry Negotiation.

Lesson one.

Locate chicken.

Lesson two.

Miss chicken.

Lesson three.

Become emotionally invested.

Lesson four.

Attempt to resolve the situation through physical intimidation.

Lesson five.

Explain absolutely none of this to the person who asked what you were doing.

The design features a cartoon cockerel that has clearly experienced the full consequences of this approach.

Its appearance suggests a difficult afternoon.

Possibly several difficult afternoons.

It has the unmistakable expression of a bird that has survived the apocalypse only to discover that Bob is nearby.

Accompanying this unfortunate creature is the legendary phrase:

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

Which, without context, becomes considerably worse.

And with context, somehow doesn't improve very much.

Of course, the poultry incident represents only half the problem.

The other half is Bob's extraordinary relationship with firearms.

Bob does not always miss.

Sometimes he simply chooses to redistribute ammunition into the surrounding countryside.

This may involve trees.

Rocks.

Walls.

Empty air.

Or any other object unfortunate enough to exist somewhere near the intended target.

To the untrained observer, these may appear to be missed shots.

To Bob, they may represent a complicated tactical manoeuvre that nobody else has understood.

Ballistic Optimism.

A legitimate survival philosophy.

Probably.

Meanwhile, the chicken remains completely unimpressed.

The situation has become so culturally significant that Bob has even spoken about conducting a Cock Count.

Because once you've developed a reputation for beating cocks, apparently the next logical step is statistical analysis.

How many were beaten?

How many escaped?

How many shots missed?

How many innocent bushes were accidentally involved?

These figures remain difficult to verify.

The LHS has requested proper documentation.

Chat has requested more incidents.

The chickens have requested legal representation.

And Bob continues to insist that everything is perfectly normal.

Fortunately, this women's heavyweight boxy tee is considerably more practical than Bob's approach to gathering food.

Made from soft, heavyweight ring-spun cotton, it features a relaxed boxy silhouette with a fashionable mid-length cut and a comfortable, lived-in feel.

The garment-dyed, pre-shrunk fabric helps minimise shrinkage, while the seamless body offers a roomy fit that's ideal for everyday wear.

Perfect for casual outfits, layering, gaming sessions, or explaining to strangers why your clothing features a visibly battered chicken and a phrase that sounds like evidence from a police interview.

Whether you're an established Bellend, a DayZ survivor, a supporter of the Cock Count, or someone who simply appreciates a deeply inappropriate joke with an entirely innocent poultry-based explanation, this tee deserves a place in your wardrobe.

It is soft.

It is heavyweight.

It is fashionable.

And unlike the cockerel, it has been designed to survive repeated encounters with human beings.

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

Because Bob doesn't need a survival strategy.

He needs a poultry restraining order.

Product Details

The Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee features the cartoon beat-up cockerel alongside the legendary Beating Cocks and Missing Shots phrase.

The design celebrates Bob's accidental quote, his questionable shooting accuracy, and his unique approach to collecting dinner through bare-fisted poultry management.

Made from 100% soft ring-spun US cotton, this heavyweight women's T-shirt combines a relaxed boxy silhouette with a comfortable mid-length cut.

The garment-dyed fabric creates a soft, lived-in feel, while pre-shrunk construction helps minimise shrinkage after washing.

Its seamless body design offers a roomy fit, while the classic-width topstitched rib collar and shoulder-to-shoulder twill tape provide a neat, comfortable finish.

With a fabric weight of 6.1 oz/yd² (172.9 g/m²), this tee offers a substantial feel without sacrificing everyday comfort.

Unlike Bob's approach to chicken hunting, the garment's construction has been carefully considered.

Perfect for casual wear, relaxed weekends, layering, and attending unofficial meetings of the Bellend Poultry Incident Investigation Committee.

Disclaimers

Wearing this T-shirt does not improve shooting accuracy.

It does not increase chicken spawn rates.

It does not improve hand-to-hand combat skills.

It does not guarantee successful poultry harvesting.

It does not provide protection from embarrassing conversations.

And it certainly does not make the phrase Beating Cocks and Missing Shots sound any more appropriate when spoken aloud.

The cartoon cockerel is a fictional illustrated character.

No actual poultry is included with this garment.

No chickens were required to manufacture the T-shirt.

The design should not be interpreted as an endorsement of harming real animals.

The phrase is a humorous reference to Bob's in-game survival adventures and should not be considered a hunting instruction, poultry management technique, firearms training programme, or legal defence.

This product does not include knives, axes, ammunition, firearms, emergency feathers, chicken feed, boxing gloves, protective headgear, spare dignity, or a reliable explanation of Bob's original statement.

The heavyweight cotton does not provide ballistic protection.

The relaxed boxy fit does not improve your chances of catching a chicken.

And the printed cockerel cannot be used to identify suitable poultry combat targets.

The manufacturer accepts no responsibility for missed shots, confused relatives, awkward public conversations, spontaneous Cock Counts, uncontrollable laughter, or anyone attempting to explain the slogan at a family gathering.

This garment undergoes garment-dyeing and softening processes, which may result in slight colour variations between individual garments.

These variations are normal characteristics of the manufacturing process and should not be interpreted as evidence that the chicken has finally recovered.

The Livonia Historical Society would like to remind everyone that a quote being historically significant does not make it socially acceptable.

Especially this one.

Made to Order

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order.

Unlike Bob's shooting, the manufacturing process involves careful planning, accurate targeting, and a reasonable expectation of hitting the intended result.

Because each garment is produced on demand rather than manufactured in unnecessary quantities, production and delivery may take a little longer.

Making products on demand helps reduce overproduction, unwanted stock, and the possibility of a warehouse full of cartoon chickens quietly questioning their life choices.

Thank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision.

The chickens appreciate the restraint.

Bob remains under observation.

Lore Classification

🐓 Bob Poultry Incident Apparel
🥊 Advanced Bare-Fisted Chicken Management
🔫 Missed Shot Appreciation Society
📊 Official Cock Count Support Clothing
🔔 Bellend Breakfast Combat Division
🐔 Distressed Cockerel Awareness Apparel
🎯 Ballistic Optimism Without Evidence
📜 LHS Poultry Incident Archive
⚠️ Questionable Statements Without Context

Beating Cocks Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee

One unfortunate chicken.

Several missing bullets.

A rapidly escalating Cock Count.

And one man who should probably stop answering innocent questions.

Beating Cocks and Missing Shots.

Because sometimes the apocalypse isn't about survival.

It's about explaining why breakfast has filed a complaint.

Understand the Lore

Every design has a story. Watch the clip that inspired this piece of Bob's Lore, learn the origin of the joke, and join the community to become part of the next chapter. Whether you're here for Giggle Burgers, Tuesdays, or general bellend behaviour, there's probably context somewhere.