Fucking Bears Women's Boxy Tee
Fucking Bears Women's Boxy Tee
Size Chart
Please check the size guide before ordering.
Bob’s Lore accepts no responsibility for shirts that fit like a tent, cling like a bad decision, or restrict movement during Tuesday-related leg incidents.
Measure yourself, compare carefully, and remember: confidence is not a size.
If in doubt, size up. You can always look relaxed. You cannot always breathe.
.
See Sizing guidance
Features & Materials
Product Care
Return & Refund policy
Our goal is for every Bellend to be properly satisfied with their loot.
If your order arrives and something feels wrong, cursed, Tuesday’d, directionally optimistic, or clearly inspected by Bob in a field, let us know.
We’ll do our best to put it right, apply the necessary cultural maintenance, and avoid creating arrears with the Bank of Bellends.
Shipping
We’ll work quickly to get your loot packed, logged, and sent before Bob wanders off into a field with it.
Once your order has shipped, you’ll receive an email with further details, assuming the message survives Tuesday, navigation errors, and any unexpected shed-based delays.
Delivery times vary depending on your location, local conditions, and whether the route passes anywhere near Nadbor.
One SKS. One Holo Sight. No Vehicle. No Warning. Bear Wins.
The Livonia Historical Society wishes to issue an urgent clarification concerning the dangers of travelling outside familiar territory.
Specifically, territory containing bears.
Large bears.
Angry bears.
Bears that have not been adequately explained to Bob.
Following a recent and deeply unfortunate expedition into the snowy wilderness of Vikendi, the Society has determined that the existing wildlife briefing procedures were wholly inadequate.
In fact, there is considerable evidence that no briefing took place whatsoever.
The consequences were immediate.
The consequences were educational.
And the consequences involved Bob being eaten.
Welcome to the Fucking Bears Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee, commemorating one of the most spectacular failures of wildlife awareness ever entered into the LHS historical archive.
THE VIKENDI BEAR INCIDENT.
Also known as:
Bob Went Hungry. No Chicken Dinner.
For those unfamiliar with this particular chapter of Bellend history, the incident occurred when Bob decided to experiment with a game that was not DayZ.
This was already an unusual development.
After considerable time spent surviving across Livonia, Chernarus and other increasingly questionable locations, somebody apparently believed that changing games might improve Bob's chances of success.
It did not.
The chosen game was PUBG.
A battle royale in which players drop from a plane, collect equipment, survive a shrinking play area, eliminate opponents, and hopefully achieve the legendary:
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.
Bob approached this challenge with his customary enthusiasm.
Unfortunately, he also approached it with his customary understanding of the situation.
Which was incomplete.
THE OPERATIONAL BRIEFING.
The battleground was Vikendi.
A snowy environment containing frozen roads, abandoned buildings, difficult visibility, and several hazards that a competent expedition leader might reasonably wish to investigate before entering.
One particularly important hazard was wildlife.
Specifically, bears.
Unfortunately, this information appears to have been omitted from Bob's pre-deployment briefing.
The LHS has been unable to establish who was responsible.
It has, however, established that Bob was very unhappy about it.
The Society considers this an understandable response.
It also notes that shouting about bears becomes considerably less useful once the bear has already arrived.
THE EQUIPMENT AUDIT.
Following the initial drop, Bob gathered supplies and began navigating across the frozen landscape.
His equipment was subsequently reconstructed by LHS observers.
The findings were concerning.
One SKS.
A functioning rifle.
Generally considered useful in a battle royale.
One holo sight.
An optical attachment.
Also generally useful.
No vehicle.
Less useful.
No meaningful bear policy.
Considerably less useful.
Full Bob confidence.
Unfortunately, not considered an effective substitute for any of the above.
The official LHS assessment was entered into the historical record:
"Technically armed, but spiritually underprepared."
This classification has since become an important example of the distinction between possessing equipment and understanding the environment in which that equipment will be used.
Bob had a rifle.
He had a sight.
He had a general direction of travel.
What he did not have was a vehicle.
Or a plan.
Or any indication that a large mammal might shortly become the most important participant in his match.
THE MOVEMENT PHASE.
As the PUBG match continued, the blue zone began closing.
Other players moved into safer positions.
Vehicles crossed the snowy roads.
Squads prepared for the next engagement.
Bob walked.
On foot.
Across Vikendi.
Using the traditional Bob method of navigation.
Feelings.
Optimism.
Occasional consideration of the map.
And the vague belief that somewhere over there might be important.
This method has a long and distinguished history within the LHS archive.
Unfortunately, its success rate remains questionable.
On this occasion, Bob's chosen route led him into an area containing bears.
This was not reconnaissance.
It was not a tactical flank.
It was not an advanced battle royale manoeuvre designed to avoid enemy contact.
It was simply Bob walking into bear country because nobody had told him that bear country was a thing.
The LHS has since recommended that all future maps include a clearly visible warning.
BEARS LIVE HERE.
Preferably accompanied by a second warning.
BOB SHOULD NOT.
Unfortunately, these recommendations were made after the incident.
THE UNEXPECTED WILDLIFE AUDIT.
The exact moment of contact has become one of the most significant events in the history of Bob's attempts to play games other than DayZ.
Bob was moving through the snowy landscape.
His weapon was available.
His holo sight was attached.
His confidence remained intact.
And then:
Bear.
Not a player.
Not a sniper.
Not a rival squad.
Not somebody hiding in a building waiting for an opportunity to take a shot.
A bear.
A real problem.
A very large problem.
A problem that appeared entirely uninterested in the established rules of competitive battle royale combat.
Bob had an SKS.
The bear had bear.
And suddenly, the entire tactical situation became deeply unfavourable.
The LHS has reviewed this encounter and determined that Bob's greatest disadvantage was not his weapon.
It was not his positioning.
It was not even the complete absence of transport.
It was the fact that the bear appeared to understand the situation considerably better than Bob did.
The bear knew where it was.
The bear knew what it wanted.
The bear had no concerns about the approaching blue zone.
And the bear was not attempting to win a chicken dinner.
It had identified a different menu.
The resulting encounter was brief.
There was no heroic escape.
No dramatic final-circle confrontation.
No extraordinary display of tactical brilliance.
No last-minute vehicle rescue.
Bob was eaten.
And the promise of a Winner Winner Chicken Dinner disappeared along with him.
The official result was recorded as:
BOB WENT HUNGRY.
NO CHICKEN DINNER.
Which is particularly unfortunate when you consider that somebody did, in fact, get dinner.
It just wasn't Bob.
THE STATEMENT.
Following this unexpected change in the match's nutritional arrangements, Bob issued what would become one of the most important statements in his streaming history.
"NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS!"
The LHS has preserved this statement as evidence of three things.
Firstly, Bob had not been informed about the bears.
Secondly, Bob was unhappy about the bears.
Thirdly, the bear appeared entirely unconcerned about either of these facts.
The statement was immediately recognised as culturally significant.
It accurately captured the surprise.
The frustration.
The complete failure of the wildlife briefing.
And the extraordinary realisation that Bob had somehow been eliminated from a battle royale by something that was not actually trying to win the battle royale.
THE QUESTION OF JURISDICTION.
Following the incident, certain scholars raised an objection.
Surely this could not be entered into Bob's Lore?
After all, it happened in PUBG.
Not DayZ.
There were no infected.
No suspicious sheds.
No unexpected Tuesday injuries.
No emergency splints.
And absolutely nobody had asked whether Bob had any nails, perchance.
Surely the jurisdiction of the Livonia Historical Society ended at the game selection screen?
Unfortunately, this argument was rejected.
Because Bob's Lore does not recognise game boundaries.
Travel is not exemption.
Geography is not immunity.
The calendar does not lose reception.
And wildlife remains legally permitted to take the piss.
The Society concluded that Bob's Lore does not belong to a particular map, server, game engine, or genre.
It belongs to Bob.
You can remove Bob from DayZ.
You can place him in PUBG.
You can give him a snowy landscape.
You can give him a rifle.
You can give him an optic.
You can give him an entire battle royale filled with actual players who are supposed to be the threat.
But if there is a bear nearby, no vehicle available, and nobody has explained the situation properly...
The outcome remains culturally predictable.
THE COMMEMORATIVE GARMENT.
Fortunately, the Fucking Bears Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee allows you to celebrate this extraordinary historical event without experiencing the encounter yourself.
On the front, a small Chucka logo provides a clean, understated appearance.
Perfectly respectable.
Almost suspiciously normal.
Then you turn around.
And the entire situation becomes considerably less subtle.
The back features the unforgettable statement:
"NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS!"
Accompanied by a dramatic illustration of an aggressive brown bear emerging from a snowy woodland scene.
The artwork commemorates the exact sort of encounter that competent wildlife briefings are generally supposed to prevent.
And unlike Bob's original expedition, the T-shirt has been designed with comfort and practicality in mind.
Its relaxed boxy silhouette, fashionable mid-length cut, and soft lived-in feel make it ideal for everyday wear, gaming sessions, casual outfits, and discussing the importance of checking whether a map contains large aggressive mammals before exploring it on foot.
The heavyweight construction provides a substantial, comfortable feel, while the relaxed fit makes it easy to wear throughout the day.
Presented in Black, the garment provides a clean background for the striking back artwork and subtle front logo.
Perfect for Bellends, PUBG survivors, DayZ enthusiasts, wildlife incident historians, and anyone who appreciates the extraordinary spectacle of Bob being defeated by an unpaid mammal with better local knowledge.
It looks stylish.
It feels comfortable.
And most importantly, it reminds everyone of a valuable lesson.
Always ask about the bears.
Preferably before entering bear country.
NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS!
One SKS.
One holo sight.
No vehicle.
No meaningful bear policy.
And absolutely no chicken dinner.
Product Details
The Fucking Bears Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee commemorates the legendary Vikendi Bear Incident, when Bob ventured into PUBG and discovered that nobody had adequately explained the local wildlife situation.
The front features a small, understated Chucka logo, while the back displays a large illustrated bear emerging from a snowy woodland landscape beneath Bob's immortal statement:
"NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS!"
The contrast between the subtle front design and dramatic back artwork makes this T-shirt ideal for Bellends who appreciate a clean appearance accompanied by an entirely unnecessary historical wildlife emergency.
The pictured garment is Black, providing a striking background for the artwork.
Its relaxed women's boxy fit, comfortable mid-length cut, and soft lived-in feel make it ideal for everyday wear, casual layering, and gaming sessions.
Perfect for PUBG enthusiasts, DayZ survivors, LHS historians, wildlife incident observers, and anyone who understands that changing games does not protect Bob from the consequences of being Bob.
Unlike the original expedition, this garment does not require entering bear country, carrying an SKS, or attempting to survive an encounter with an unexpectedly aggressive mammal.
Disclaimers
Wearing this T-shirt does not provide protection against bears.
Real bears.
Fictional bears.
PUBG bears.
Or any other form of unexpectedly aggressive wildlife.
The illustrated bear is decorative artwork and does not function as a wildlife deterrent, protective device, warning system, or officially recognised bear identification guide.
This T-shirt does not include an SKS, holo sight, vehicle, emergency survival kit, wildlife safety briefing, chicken dinner, or meaningful bear management policy.
The statement NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS! is a humorous reference to Bob's encounter with the bears of Vikendi during a PUBG livestream.
It should not be interpreted as a genuine allegation against PUBG, its developers, wildlife authorities, or anyone responsible for providing Bob with pre-deployment information.
The manufacturer accepts no responsibility for unexpected wildlife encounters, failed battle royale rotations, poor navigation, missed chicken dinners, missing vehicles, questionable survival decisions, or anyone assuming that carrying an SKS automatically establishes superiority over an angry mammal.
The heavyweight fabric does not provide ballistic protection.
The relaxed boxy fit does not improve running speed.
The Chucka logo does not indicate official wildlife management certification.
And the dramatic back illustration does not make the wearer less interesting to actual bears.
The Livonia Historical Society has classified the Vikendi Bear Incident as historically significant.
This does not qualify the Society to provide professional wildlife safety advice.
This garment undergoes garment-dyeing and softening processes, which may result in slight colour variations between individual T-shirts.
These variations are normal characteristics of the manufacturing process and should not be interpreted as evidence that the Vikendi wildlife has interfered with production.
Do not approach, provoke, feed, or attempt to interact with real bears.
If travelling in genuine bear country, follow appropriate local wildlife safety guidance rather than relying on anything demonstrated during Bob's PUBG expedition.
All historical classifications and wildlife-related administrative findings are part of the fictional Bob's Lore universe.
Official LHS Conclusion:
Context provided. Bears not learned.
Bob went hungry. No chicken dinner.
Made to Order
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order.
Unlike Bob's Vikendi expedition, which involved entering an unfamiliar snowy environment with no vehicle, no meaningful wildlife policy, and an alarming level of confidence, this T-shirt follows a planned manufacturing process.
Because each garment is made on demand rather than manufactured in unnecessary quantities, production and delivery may take a little longer.
Making products on demand helps reduce overproduction, unwanted stock, and the possibility of a warehouse filled with bear-related merchandise waiting for Bob to discover another game containing aggressive wildlife.
Thank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision.
The Livonia Historical Society considers this an encouraging example of preparation.
It would have appreciated similar preparation before Bob entered Vikendi bear country.
Your T-shirt will be manufactured after purchase.
Your wildlife survival prospects remain your own responsibility.
And the chicken dinner remains unclaimed.
Lore Classification
- 🐻 Vikendi Bear Incident Commemorative Apparel
- 🎮 PUBG Experimental Expedition Archive
- ❄️ Unauthorised Snow-Based Wildlife Encounter
- 🔫 SKS and Holo Sight Tactical Failure Division
- 🚗 No Vehicle Available Department
- 🍗 Bob Went Hungry, No Chicken Dinner
- 📜 Livonia Historical Society Wildlife Investigation
- ⚠️ No Meaningful Bear Policy
- 🔔 Context Provided. Bears Not Learned.
Fucking Bears Women's Heavyweight Boxy Tee
One snowy map.
One very confident Bob.
One extremely angry bear.
And absolutely no chicken dinner.
NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING BEARS!
Because you can take Bob out of DayZ.
But you cannot take the consequences out of Bob.
Verified by someone who was there, maybe.